Delila- Tears of Hopefulness

On page 216, Junior cries because he is disappointed and sad for his Indian community and tribe.  He knows how many Indians die every year do to alcohol addiction, and wishes he could do something about it but realizes that sadly, he cannot.  "I was crying because I knew five or ten or fifteen more Spokanes would die during the year, and that most of them would die because of booze (p. 216)."  This realization makes him feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time.  He knows that he is probably doomed to the same fate just because he is surrounded by people who are alcoholics, but he also feel hopeful because he knows that he can change his future.  Although he can't do anything about other people's life threatening decisions, he can change himself and his situation.  "I wept and wept and wept because I knew that I was never going to drink and because I was never going to kill myself and because I was going to have a better life out in the white world (p. 217)."  Junior has the power to dictate how his future lays out, and that sense of control makes him feel hopeful and better about himself and his heritage.

When Junior says that he is going to have a better life out in the white world (in the quote above), he feels sad and a little bit of a traitor because he knows that he is leaving his community.  This fact makes him cry even harder.  He also knows however, that he is not throwing away his Indian background.  He is making a decision to do something productive while keeping his heritage.  Junior becomes aware of the fact that he does have full control over how he wants his future to play out, and that thought eventually causes his crying to cease.